Mediations on simple living

In preparation for organized spiritual studies with A Big Name Teacher, I've been sitting in silence every day. In my teens, I meditated every day using a method where you count your breaths. Breathe in, breathe out - one. Breathe in, breath out - two. You'd count four breaths before starting over. As you count, focusing only on your breath and the number, your thoughts start to fall away and eventually your mind is quieted.

The method I'm using now involves sitting in silence. No counting, no trying to keep your thoughts still. I sit, and let my thoughts come up, and then let them go. Before long, mind and body settle down and your mind rests.

The difference is how I react to my thoughts. When I counted breaths, my thoughts were annoying intrusions to be shooed away like flies. Now I observe my thoughts as they come up, trying not to judge them (which is the hardest part). When I really watch what my mind comes up with to think about without me thinking about it, I surprise myself.

My mind covers a lot of ground in just a few minutes when I meditate, sort of like a headless chicken scurrying to cover ground before dropping dead. My mind is an enormous worry-wart. I worry about money, groceries, the gutters, the rotors on the car. My mind also continuously runs over how I treated people that day, and how I was treated in turn.

When I am in a situation, and I realize that this has come up during my meditations. I recognize the emotion, the thought, the worry. My mind had time earlier to work on it, free from interuptions and outside noise. And I can deal with the situation a little more effectively.

When I set aside time in the day to open a space in myself where I can watch my thoughts, I can be a more effective person. My day is so noisy, with workplace noise and phone calls, music in my car, more music or the TV when I'm home.

I feel like since I've started setting aside time to listen to myself, I'm figuring out that I'm smarter than I knew.